Me xD

This needed to be updated, because my perspective on life...has changed completely. Some people don't realize just how lucky they are, to know they're going to wake up tomorrow. Just how wonderfully lucky they are, to know what they're going to step on when they put their foot forward. I don't have the chance to look at life that way. I look at it through a keyhole...in which, you can only see straight ahead, but you can't see anything that you're going to approach. Everything looks amazingly different once you reach the end of the tunnel. I have been given so much in life. Although i have a handful of goodness in my pocket, i can't forget just how shitty God has been to me. I'm a nice person. That's how i view myself and i always will. I'm decent. I don't use drugs, alcohol, or anything else that would be harmful to my body. I don't screw people over, or find the harshest way to downput them. I always give the homeless whatever change i have in my pocket. I'm an all around, wonderful person...at least that's what i think of myself. Then i look at my life in the perspective of a magnifying glass and realize just how shitty this world can be. This leads me into my views of God. Personally, i believe that God exists. I believe that there is some form of higher power that's looking down on me, but instead of granting me with something wonderful, he spits on me, slams down on me, and makes me feel worthless. Why? Because he knows i'm stronger than that. It's just a big, huge, gameboard. We're trying to work our way through all of these bullshit challenges, but if we stopped and thought about what we were so fucking angry about, would it really matter? If you told someone your life story and it just so happened to be one of the most brutal outcomes to have ever lived...would it make a difference in that persons life? Within the next few months, they're bound to forget you. They'll walk on with life like it was nothing. It had only inspired them for the moment. God is just another huge puzzle piece to this fucked up game, that people like to call "life". Has it ever occured to anybody that when they're praying, something comes out of it because, they themselves, put some energy towards it. It's all in your head. You are your own God, and you can only control what you want or don't want. I'm not going to give you my life story. I'm not going to tell you my favorite color, or what i do during the day and i'll tell you why. No matter how many times i write, or how many times i try to explain things to someone...The person always takes it a different way. Theres always going to be a huge rock standing in front of me, and the only person there to move it, will be me. I'm tired. I'm tired of all of the ringing bullshit plowing onto me. I'm tired of waking up saying "Fuck", because i know that i was overexadgerating the other night. I'm tired of closing my eyes afraid that i won't open them. I'm tired of blinking, and for that mili-second of black, im scared it's the last thing I'm ever going to see. I'm tired of worrying. I'm tired of thinking. I'm tired of going day by day, thinking of the worst. Now tell me something, do you want to know me? Because i sure as hell wouldn't.